Lie Hard

Lie Hard is a short script written in 2005 in collaboration with Tom Wells and Dave Ellis, and is probably the most fun writing experience I’ve had to date.

Derek Wilson is committed to marriage. In fact, he’s twice as committed as most people. After accidentally getting married in Las Vegas, his life becomes a juggling act in which he tries to keep his two wives separate from each other, and keep his secret multi-million dollar fortune secret from everyone…

Two wives. One lie. No escape.

Read the script for Lie Hard here!

11. INT. CANDY’S FLOOR. DAY

DEREK emerges from the elevator, crosses the corridor to CANDY’s door.

DEREK
Today’s the day …

DEREK knocks; CANDY opens the door; he opens his mouth.

CANDY
Derek! You got my message!

DEREK
What …

SFX: DEREK’s mobile beeps.

DEREK (CONT’D)
… message?

She hauls him inside and slams the door.

12. INT. CANDY’S APT. DAY

CANDY’s studio apartment is lavishly furnished, with no interior walls or doors. Only the bathroom is separate. Not an inch of space is uncluttered by the fruits of constant shopping sprees.

DEREK is still trying to get his words out; CANDY shoves him into an armchair and grabs a bottle of champagne from the kitchenette counter.

CANDY
Oh Derek, I’m so excited!

She forces a glass of champagne into DEREK’s hand.

DEREK
It’s nine-thirty in the morning.

CANDY isn’t listening. DEREK puts his glass down and reaches for the pocket containing the divorce papers.

DEREK
Candy …

CANDY
My news first, Derek.

Overruled, DEREK sits back.

CANDY (CONT’D)
Now I know I shouldn’t be drinking in my condition, but …

DEREK
What cond …?

CANDY
I’m going to have a baby!

DEREK’s face: apocalypse.